Category Archives: reasons people think I’m crazy

Teach your children well. Then tell them to shut up about it.

I’m a big fan of learning.  I believe that kids are little sponges and you can use almost anything as a teachable moment.

This summer I’m teaching Eslyn how to tell time (she really wants to be able to use her Justin Bieber watch). I’m also teacher her how to count money; we’re learning about endangered animals because of the zoo and we’re working on addition and crystals by making rock candy.

Not everything she’s learned this summer has come from home though, her friends have been teacher her a a few things too.  And I am a less than enthusiastic about that.

The first thing her friends have taught her about is sex.  We found this out when we went to the zoo and one of the little girls in her class asked why there was no baby elephants.  Eslyn piped up because there are no boy elephants.  Her classmate then asked me why would you need a boy elephant, to which I replied “Ask your parents”.  Eslyn responded with “I know why” I looked at her and she said “E told me”. When we got home that night I asked what exactly E had told her.  “S-E-X” was her reply.  So we then had to sit down and have a sex talk.  I want her to be educated, but I want her to be educated by ME.  So our talk ended with me telling her that these conversations were between me and her.  Not that there was anything wrong with what we were talking about but most Mom’s and Dad’s think this is something they should talk to their kids about.

The second thing that Eslyn’s friends told her about this summer was religion.  One night I went upstairs to find a note from Eslyn, who had been in  a time out earlier.  It was a lovely note about how I was a mean, mean Mommy.  That part was pretty standard 7 year old stuff.  The next bit though…. in the rest of the note Eslyn said that since I was a mean Mom I was going to go to hell.  And that I was going to burn in hell forever and ever because we don’t got to church so we are evil and bad.

I was stunned.  You see, we don’t go to church. Eslyn has been to one church service in her life, and that was part of a friends wedding.  So I was very curious where she had heard such things. When asked where she had heard such stuff she replied “E”. Yep that’s right, this lovely friend of hers decided that when she found out that we don’t take Eslyn to church to tell her all about hell and how everyone in our family was going to burn there when we die.  She then told Eslyn that if she believed in God then only her Mommy and Daddy would burn in hell.  This one was a little harder to deal with.  I was mad that someone would tell my kid this.  My first instinct was to tell her she was never allowed to play with this girl again because she was a liar.  But instead we had a long talk about how different people have different beliefs and it’s okay if you and your friend don’t believe in the same thing.

So while I think it’s great and very important for parents to teach their kids about their beliefs, or lack there of, and about sex, please tell your children not to share what they’ve learned.  While your nine year old might be ready to learn about the mechanics of sex, your neighbours four year old might not be.

They were trying to help me clean, or kill me. I’m not sure which.

So today while I was cleaning the kitchen I heard the girls in the upstairs bathroom.  They were playing quietly and I, even though I heard the water running,  wasn’t worried.  I figured they were bathing their dolls.

Later in the afternoon I went to step into the shower.  The shower was extremely slippery.  I went flying and almost cracked my head on the soap holder.  That’s when I noticed the two part bars of soap on the shelf and realized the bottom of the tub was coated in soap.

Yup my little darlings had decided to help me and clean the tub, by scrubbing the bottom of the tub with bars of soap.  At least they said they were trying to help me clean.  They might have been secretly plotting to do me harm because I told them no more freezies.  But I like to think they were cleaning, it helps me sleep at night.

Apparently they don’t teach reading comprehension.

I work at a party store.  For the most part I love it, helping people find decorations, blowing up balloons.  For the most part it’s fun.  Sometimes though, oh sometimes people just make me shake my head.

It’s grad season.  We have a whole section of graduation decorations.  The other night two girls came in the store.  They were buying decorations for their friends grad party.  So they are 17 or 18 years old.  They load up on decorations.  Then they pick up one package and bring it over to me.

Girls:Do you have this in any other name?

Me: Uhm, what do you mean any other name?

Girls:  Well we like the decorations but our friends name isn’t Brian.

Me:  No, it doesn’t actually say ‘Brian’s Grad Party” you can personalize it.

Girls: Oh! So we can put whatever name we want on it?

Me: Yes.

Because the “Personalize it” is in tiny,  tiny unreadable letters. Oh wait, no it’s not.

I know I shouldn’t laugh.  It’s kind of mean of me.  But for heaven’s sakes actually read the darned packaging before you ask questions.  I just walked away shaking my head trying not to giggle.

 

This year I’m smacking parents, not children.

Okay, so I don’t actually go around smacking other peoples children.  But some days the urge is there.  Take Saturday for example.  Hubby and I took his Mom and Eslyn to see ‘Titanic, The Artifacts Exhibit’ at the science center.  It is a wonderful exhibit, it left me amazed and saddened. The exhibit is full of priceless, irreplaceable item retrieved from the titanic.

The last thing I expected to was to be nearly knocked over by a couple of kids running back and forth in the exhibit, smacking into to people and shouting.  They smashed into me, my kid and my mother in law.  Now they weren’t teeny tiny kids either; we’re talking in the 8-12 age group, old enough to know better.  The Mom just looked over then looked back at one of the display cases.

Now here’s the thing.  I know that there are many children who have behavioral issues that have a medical or neurological cause, so I’m usually pretty forgiving.  But there are times when you can pretty much tell that the problem is no parental control.  Like when the parent sees the kids acting up and DOES NOTHING.  Like the Dad who thought it was just fine to stand beside me and let his kid shove mine off the floor piano in the kids area of the science center.  Or the mom in the exhibit.

So after having to explain to my daughter that yes some kids are rude, but it’s usually because their parents don’t teach them manners (yep said it right beside the guy who gave me the stink eye, I would have said more but I was in a room full of children and I am trying to teach my daughter that not everything has to be a confrontation, and I really don’t think it’s appropriate for my 6 year old to see Mommy lose it on a stranger in public), I realized it was true.  Kids aren’t born rude, some are more willful, yes, but not rude.  It’s up to us as parents to teach our children proper decorum, manners and patience.  I know had my kid acted in the way that these kids did she would have been sitting on a bench for a while at the very least.  We probably would have left.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not under the illusion that I have perfectly behaved children, I don’t.  And I certainly don’t expect other peoples children to behave all the time, but it really irks me when a parent sees bad behavior and just shrugs it off.   I don’t really care if your kid is having a tantrum or meltdown, just try and deal with it.  Did you just see your kid hit, shove or kick another kid on the playground, then tell them to stop, or even better make them apologize and sit for a minute.  Just don’t sit there and ignore it. Hence my resolution.  I really think some of the parents out there need the smacks, maybe then they’d pay attention.

 

Drowning in lemonade

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

“Every cloud has a silver lining”

“When God closes a door, he opens a window”

“It’s always darkest before the dawn”

There’s always someone who has it worse than you”

Things will get better, things will work out”

To these lovely quotes I say FUCK YOU.  No seriously, if I made lemonade with our life’s lemons, then we’d be drowning in the stuff. Sometimes that cloud isn’t just a rain cloud, but the start of a tornado.  Sometimes the doors and windows are all nailed shut.  Sometimes it’s dark because you have no power.  And sometimes things don’t get better, they just don’t.

I know people mean well when they say these things.  They see you are in a rough place and are trying to say something comforting.  There are times where it helps to hear tired cliche’s, but when you really can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel (yeah sorry, there’s another one) hearing these things sometimes gives you a “I want to stab you in the head with an icepick, but then I would go to jail and that would just add to my problems” feeling.

Why the cynicism you ask? Perhaps it’s the stress of the season, or the end of yet another stressful year (we’ve had a few doozies).

Or perhaps it’s because some punk decided to try and steal our car and wrecked the steering column and we now can’t start the car and now have to fork out our deductible and deposit for the rental car 11 days before Christmas and dealing with the cops and the insurance meant that my hubby had to miss half a day of work which we can’t afford so that’s almost $500 (pardon me while I have a minor panic attack at the actual number, that’s my food budget for the month) we’re out.

This was just the icing on the cake of a year full of this kind of stuff, preceded by about three years of this stuff or worse. So I’m pretty much lemonaded out at this point.

So be forewarned family and friends, you are free to cliche me if you feel the urge, I’d just make sure I’m not holding any sharp pointy objects when you do.  It’s for your own safety.

 

The best part of winter is snowsuits

Alexis is obsessed with dresses.  She would wear a dress every single day if she could. I’m not talking cute little sundresses, although those will do in a pinch, she loves fancy dresses, the fancier the better.  If she could have a closet full of pageant and mini wedding dresses she would be over the moon.

She’s amassing quite the dress collection, thanks to hand-me downs and play clothes, and she pretty much does wear one every day (well at least when Mommy’s home). Now I have no problem with her wearing these dresses, and in the summer and even September it was no problem when she wore these outside.  We did get a few funny looks picking Eslyn up from school with Lexi wearing her sisters old flower girl dress (it’s very flowery and ruffly) or in her black and red velvet and tulle Christmas dress.  But she was happy and it was warm enough.  Then the cold weather came and so did another obsession, mermaids.  And being a mermaid means wearing a bathing suit.  It’s cute, especially when she is “swimming” along the carpet.  However we live in Alberta, and a bathing suit or a dress in November is not really appropriate clothing.  Heck it was -31 with the windchill just over a week ago.

So I am faced with a Mommy dilemma.  I can either fight with her every day, right after her nap, to get her into proper clothing. And a fight it would be.  Have you ever seen the protesters who go limp when the police try to remove them from somewhere?  My 30lb three year old does that move just as well as a seasoned Greenpeace member.  I spent all last winter wrangling a clothes onto a deadweight toddler and I am too freaking lazy don’t want to go down that road again.  So I found a wonderful solution.  She wears a snow suit!  Yep, even when it’s 3* out.  That way no one gives me the stink eye for my kid wearing nothing but a swimsuit in November, or for looking like she should be on Toddlers and Tiara’s, or for still being in her jammies in the morning.  It works for me and it works for her.  She’s happy to be wearing her fancy dresses ot her swimsuit and I don’t have to deal with the whining (hers or mine).

The other bonus of bundling up on the winter is I don’t have to put any effort into getting ready in the morning when I take Eslyn to school.  Slept in? Hair’s a mess? No time to put on a clean shirt or a bra?  No problem!  A big winter jacket and a winter had and nobody’s the wiser.