We’re not obsessed with bacon….. it just seems like it.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST IS LONG AND AT TIMES INCOMPREHENSIBLE (unless you are K, then you get it)

I miss my bestest friend.  It’s not like she really lives too far away, but when neither of us drive 3 hours might as well be a different continent. Yes we have phone, e-mail, chat and if I ever get my butt in gear, skype; but it’s not the same.

How does a phone call compare when in person someone can convince you to mix pop-rocks and coke (by the way that hurts like a bitch coming out the nose and will crackle in a metal sink for nearly an hour later).  But I mainly miss my bestest friend because I have no one else to have conversations like this with

Me: I don’t feel well 😦

K:i sorry………………………………………………hugs, on a big strip of bacon

Me: lol, but please don’t mention bacon, I’ve been throwing up

K:sorry bacon sorry damnit bacon shit sorry bacon again damnit sorry

Me:I was going to swear at you, but I’m laughing too hard

K:sorry bacon bout that beanie bacon damnit i just cant stop bacon damnit i am sorry that you are abcon fuck i mean i am sorry you are not bacon damint feeling well. just love me for the bacon i am bacon

K: i am also suffering from BSS

K:least it is not mad cow disease, could be Bacon Strip Syndrome

K:damnit again with the bacon

K:if you want i could hold your hair for you cause you are my bestest bacon friend

K:mmmmmmmmmm i think i want some bacon to eat for real real

K:beanie you still puking? beanie where did you go? hello beanie. . . . .hello BEANIE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? i am all by myself and scared and in need of bacon damnit beanie COME BACK AND SAVE ME FROM THE DARK SHADOWS and please bring bacon with you i am out
Me:I have no bacon either, sorry I was in the potty. don’t worry I had planty of time to find a hair elastic and take my glasses off, you know how I am

K:you sure beanie cause i will hold your hair i have done it before

Me:you know what you really should watch when you feel barfy? Hell’s Kitchen then Master Chef, way too much raw porkage going on for my tummy. but I think it might be a bit of a walk for you to hold my hair, I can pause my puking but not for that long

Me:bacon yummy looking, porn cheeks not so much. PORK! Pork cheeks not porn cheeks, f*@#, that did not sound good.  stop laughing

K:lfbfao (laugh my bacon fat ass off) porn cheeks?! WTF?! Porkage even sounded a bit dirty although getting it on on a pile of bacon would be cool, although it would have to be cool bacon cause trust me when you want bacon for gods sake never EVER cook it naked. i leaned my lesson the hard way, well it kinda took me a few times but hey eventually i learned my lesson

Me:*snort* porkage

K:i like pork

Me:ahh, see that’s why I cook mine in the microwave, don’t have to worry about splattage while naked

K:tee hee naked porkage splattage

Me:*double snort*

K: ooooooooo so that is how you do it naked, my life is now complete, well almost now i just gotta go get naked and get some bacon.
tee hee snort, although yiu snorting is prob not good if you puked out your nose
damnit that BSS is back, you*

Me: not yet, but if I keep laughing like this I might

K: i could always make you drink pepsi and poprocks
oooooooo bacon flavored poprocks
Me:  god no please no! I saw some tonight and started giggling in the dollar store

K:damnit i am a freakin guenius or how ever the hell you spell the word for smart person

Me: I am so smart, SMRT

K:teeheee poprocks pop in the sink for 12 hours after they come out your nose
one way to clean your sinuses out

Me: bacon pop rocks would be yummy

K:yes the pop would simulate the sound of the bacon sizzling in the pan, i freakin rock

Me:not a way that I would recommend though, it was less painful when my nose was cauterised

K:poppin porkage i would call it

Me: that sounds like a dirty movie LMFBAO

K:lmffbao  I can see the movie now, bacon bra, bacon roos, and a bed of bacon with maybe bacon wrapped dildos
i said bacon wrapped dildos lol tee hee that is funny cause my mom will read it

Me:I can never eat bacon wrapped hot dogs again 😦

K: i should market those, i would call it poppin porkage fun sticks
oooo but bacon wrapped weenies would be great!!!! It will put that in my porn too

Me: ohh where to start, where to start…………

K: damnit BSS again.. . .. I*
you know i am gonna invent bacon scented air freshener and put it in E’s roos so that when he farts i will enjoy the smell, it is a win win situation

Me: wanted: actors for artsy meat film, must love bacon and sausage. *snicker*
hee hee, bacon farts, hey do pig farts smell like bacon?

K:nope not at all, trust me I used to have pigs on the farm i lived on

Me: well dingle berries, that sucks. But I’m going to head to bed now, I’m sleepy. LYOAPAEP

K: LYOAPAEPAB AB STANDS FOR AND BACON

 

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